My BRCA Journey

After surgery I was stuck with the same drains as before, a spankin’ new surgical bra, and strong meds. The drains had a larger volume output this time but I had gone through this before and knew what to expect. I got home, text my friends, family, colleagues, posted a selfie to Facebook and let myself just exist a bit. That lasted a short time because then I wanted to start my meds. 

I learned I can’t handle opioids. Thank you to my sister and friends who stayed up late while I panicked taking them. I had walls and the ceiling closing in on me. Hello hallucinations! I was glad then they wore off and I didn’t feel the pain I ancitipated. Also learned what senna does – I’m good, haha. I don’t ever want to be afraid to get up off a toilet again. I was prepared to put a blanket in there because I was rushing there and back so much. 

I felt like I was on a breast feeding schedule again – alarms going off to take meds instead though. I had antibotics, nerve meds, tylenol, etc to take and my bed had a water, gummy bears (thanks friends), cookies, etc within reach to prevent me from having to call out to my mom or Mike throughout the day. My friends and family sent me gifts – some funny, some only they would know to get me, and food! I got flowers, a teddy bear for Emily, soup etc. 

After day one I was getting visitors and had pain between my already fake boobs – my foobs. It felt like a pulling pain that made me cry. I was afraid to shift in bed and needed help getting up because the nerve pain was that severe. I sat on the couch and finally was confident enough to look down. I looked like a coloring book with so many purple lines everywhere and was relieved that I came home with my expanders partially filled.

Expanders you ask? I have breast tissue expanders that were placed after my first surgeon removed all of the breast tissue she possibly could. These have magentic ports at the top that get filled with saline to expand them and create a pocket in my chest while stretching my skin. 

I tell people they are like deflated breast implants that get pumped up or like water balloons you are filling with a tiny hose. I came home with 350ccs in mine which was great – I didn’t have a moment of panic when I looked down. I was lucky that I wasn’t concave or completely flat. Knowing myself, I would have probably spiraled mentally.

Ready for the setback? Rich had told me I would absolutely ADORE Megan the PA that does the expander fills. I had to meet with my plastic surgeon before seeing Megan. The excitement changed to panic when the MA told me to take off my bra and unwrap myself. She walked out and I wanted to get a clear picture of what everything looked like – took out my phone and took a picture to analyze. Immediately I knew something was very wrong. I had a THICK bruise from my left nipple downward – it looked like a red wine bruise. My nipple had a blister and immediately I text my mom and friends. Some got very unsolicited boob pictures, but they are used to me by now. 

My surgeon said she hadn’t expected what she was seeing and the concern had been around my right breast – I had a couple scar revisions on that side. She ended up removing 100ccs from my left breast in hopes it would take pressure off that bruise and I was sent home with my dear old pal, Xeroform. It was explained that if it didn’t improve, I might need to get my expander removed for some time.

A week later I would finally meet Megan. I was so worried that she would need to call in my surgeon to discuss going back into surgery. Megan walked in and I told her she had big shoes to fill because Rich had taken such good care of me. She laughed and explained he is one of her best friends and she would take even better care of me. I opened my partial gown and lost it. I started crying all the tears that only my closest friends had experienced when I told them of my fears of another setback. The whole time I had been so worried about my right breast – the one that had nectrosis the first time and now I had necrosis on the left and I was worried.

She put me at ease immediately and said. “it doesn’t look bad” and she started touching it and said the blood flow was good and I could continue the Xeroform until she saw me next. The best news? She removed my left drain. I felt nothing and told her I didn’t know whether to kiss, hug or announce my love for her. It was that good. She is a rockstar. She couldn’t remove my right one because that one had a large output still (my dominant side so of course I use it more). 

I returned days after the 4th of July and my plastic surgeon removed my right drain – not as well as Megan. If we are keeping score – 1. Megan, 2. Rich, 3. Plastic Surgeon.