My BRCA Journey

Ended up having my Plastice Surgery appointment pushed out until October and I was a total wreck. Seriously. To my friends who dealt with my meltdowns – thank you.

Once I saw my Plastic Surgeon, my left expander had flipped back into place and then back out of place. To say I was frustrated doesn’t begin to describe it. The worst part? I felt so ugly. 

I have never let myself be defined by my breasts. I have gone through MANY stages of sizes, positioning (hello post-partum surprise), and was prepared to go flat if need be. Looking down and seeing a “normal” looking breast and one that’s flipped wrecked havoc on my mental health. I felt so unattractive and avoided looking in mirrors. I had moments where I really regretted not going flat. 

What’s my coping mechanism? Laughter. I tried to make joked about my situation – googley eye tits was my preferred way to describe them. Some of my jokes were downright horrible – sorry friends.

At my October appointment my doctor told me she COULD flip it, but it would cause me more pain and that I clearly had wide pockets – not the compliment I was looking for. I figured it would flip back into place when it felt like it. 

Our discussion drifted to surgery dates for my swap and she told me what I thought – they are swamped and I wouldn’t have surgery until the new year. I left the appointment feeling better than when I walked in. Of course I immediately reached out to my friend group, mother, partner, and mentor to tell them everything.