My BRCA Journey

Today was the day I had been dreaming of – I could finally get this bra off and shower! I think technically I could have showered yesterday, but I had more pain and was pretty worried to look and possibly find something wrong. I slept like total crap and as soon as I woke up my mood shifted – I had to dig through my post-surgical bras of the past and found one that I figured would work (it didn’t – too tight, it was from my breast reduction).

My shower was glorious. My friends and colleagues who knew what today was send me texts and called. I’m glad I have them. My shower itself went well and I am so glad I could scrub and wash everything – especially my hair and back. I couldn’t get off the top layer of film that was seriously stuck to me, so I took it off after my shower.

I sat down to take it off and got lightheaded. I can’t deal with blood – boo. I smelled old blood and I got woozy. I moved out of the bathroom and ended up dragging myself onto my mom’s bed to catch my breath, drink some ice cold water, and slowly peeled off the layers. I was so glad to see I didn’t have any bruising visible and took my time getting up to look at myself in the mirror.

I look “normal.” I didn’t want to look like I had a pair of 800cc implants in. Surprisingly, I look like I did post- breast-reduction which makes me happy. I shot off texts to my sister and best friends to tell them – plus some pictures, haha.

Last night I was pretty down on myself. I felt like this should have been so momentous and this time around I felt extra down. I am exhausted – way more tired than my other surgeries. For some reason I am extra emotional too. Little things have set me off and I start crying. Now that I have seen I look like myself, I am feeling much better.